Down and Out in Berlin and Germany

Ah, it always happens. Life is good, good, good until it is bad, bad, bad. And today was the bad, bad, bad.

Not for any particularly big reason. But for a lot of tiny, little nonsensical reasons, which I will now list:

1) A. went home yesterday after a lovely weekend

2) I am sick of walking the same way to school every day

3) I am sick of Kreuzberg/Freidrichshain/Neukolln and the constant circling I do of these places

4) I am sick of going to school every morning and writing every afternoon for Edinburgh. Things are going well and I feel like my script is getting somewhere. I’ve done a lot of other stuff done too for Edinburgh, like images and preview films and flyers and other admin-y type stuff, but all of it is now boring the pants off of me.

5) I am sick of not being able to communicate confidently with people (goddamn it, how long exactly does it take to become fluent at a language?)

6) I had many horrid dreams in which it turns out my mother had actually been alive all this time, but had just run away from the family and I had only just found this out because she had JUST DIED AGAIN (or, for the first time?) and I was informed as next of kin that she was dead, which I thought I already knew (oh, what a fun, fun, fun dream that was)

7) I am sick of cheese. This is a problem because pretty much every aisle in a German supermarket is a cheese aisle. Then, right at the end there is a little box of fruit & vegetables, fresh bread and meat.

8) Apparently I no longer enjoy cake. I keep buying it and eating it, hoping it will make me happy like it used to and it turns out it is JUST FOOD. JUST FOOD FULL OF NAUSEA-INDUCING SUGAR. Why didn’t anyone tell me it didn’t have magical properties?

9) I don’t know what I’m going to do for work.

10) I don’t know what I WANT to do for work.

11) I don’t know where in the world I want to live, but I’m not sure it’s here and I don’t know if it’s Australia and it might be the UK, but I’m not allowed back there.

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