So, I’m giving up.
I’m giving up on the whole thing.
Well, not on the blogging thing.
And not on the ‘new thing every day’ thing.
But the, ‘new thing I’ve always wanted to do every day’ thing.
Because it is JUST TOO HARD. Do you know what’s hard? Realising your dreams. Do you know what’s SO MUCH GODDAMN HARDER than just realising your dreams? Figuring out what the hell your dreams were in the first place. Do you know what’s darn near impossible? Figuring out your dreams and then breaking them down into bite-size pieces that are achievable on a daily basis.
I mean, really, who was I kidding? Sure its easy to dye your hair brown, but how many things like that have you ‘always wanted to do and never done’? That’s right! Not 365 of them! Perhaps 2 or 3! At the most, 9 and a quarter! Because our capitalist culture is built on cheap and fast and self-indulgent, so most things that capitalism could offer me, I’ve already tried. Turns out I don’t deny myself much! Which is… comforting, I suppose? And, also, distressing? And, also, not at all how I saw myself?
I mean, sure there are things that I’ve always wanted to do, but you know, they’re things like ‘visit Ekaterinburg’, or ‘learn the guitar’ and they are not really achievable on a day-to-day basis (‘I didn’t have a new thing to do today that I had always wanted to do! So I just booked a flight to Ekaterinburg!’ Oh… but, actually, can you imagine the amazing blog post I’d get out of that?) Or things like, ‘be a fully functioning adult woman and weigh only 50kg’ which is possibly not physically possible. And then there are other things I have always wanted to do that are not really achievable through the fair exchange of money for goods and services. For example, become a movie star (unless, of course, I were to break that down into a schedule of achievable daily capitalist tasks, like, ”Get a headshot!’ ‘Whiten your teeth!’ ‘Get liposuction!’ blah blah blah. But even then! No guarantee). And then there are more high-minded, philosophical things like, ‘stop being so highly-strung and freaking out at the smallest hint that something might be going wrong or that someone doesn’t like you or that possibly you’ve made a mistake’, which is more like a life-long journey rather than a, ‘let’s schedule that for Tuesday!’ kind of thing.
So, I’m giving up. One new thing a day is enough for anyone. Don’t make it more complicated by spending hours trying to figure out what you’ve ‘always wanted to do’ and then how to achieve that within a set 24 hour period. Let’s just be grateful I get to do new things every day, even if those new things are just different types of alcohol. Or, turning my bedsheets around so I’m sleeping at the other end of the bed (I swear its more interesting than it sounds. But, even so, I promise not to write a blog post about it).
Speaking of different types of alcohol… my new thing for yesterday was going to a pub called the French House where French Resistance members used to hang out! It was great! We drank Cidre (not cider) from Breton! It came in an awesome bottle! It looked like this –
I wanted to take it home! But, I didn’t!
The bar maid was really nice! She had great earrings shaped like wings! She asked me what the catchphrase for Malibu was! I didn’t know! (Do you know?!)
I don’t know why I’m yelling!
I’m trying to be enthusiastic!
Yeah. Well. Anyway. It was great. Didn’t do much for my ‘let’s restrict the alcohol’ thing, of course. Because of stupid English rounds I ended up drinking a litre of Breton cidre. After my massive night the day before. I mean, I don’t regret it, I was out with two wonderful people whom I don’t spend enough time with because
a) one of them lives in Florence
b) one of them I had never met before,
so, yeah, no regrets. Take the good things you get given and blah blah blah.
Oh, I am so ending this post right now.