Things That Make You a Grown-Up, Part Two

1. Not crying at work. Not crying in bureaucratic buildings. Not crying in the post office when they tell you they no longer sell single envelopes.

2. Knowing when it is appropriate and necessary to cut someone out of your life entirely. And not being afraid to do so.

3. Understanding the different, complex social situations that require ‘Hide from News Feed’, ‘Block’ or ‘Unfriend’ on Facebook and using them appropriately.

4. Understanding what you should and should not put on the internet for all time.

5. Not eating chocolate for breakfast. Also applies to all other inappropriate breakfast foods: cheesecake, wasabi peas, cookie dough, Diet Coke etc.

6. Using lip balm when your lips are dry. Not licking them.

7. Having wardrobe and cupboard space appropriate to the amount of clothing you own. Doing one of two things when amount of clothing severely exceeds amount of wardrobe space: a) Culling clothing b) Purchasing more wardrobe and cupboard space. Not continuing to push clothing into drawers and/or wardrobe until said storage space breaks.

8. Buying a half-pint for your final drink of the night and not another pint.

9. Being willing and able to share desserts.

10. Wishing only to raise children in the era you yourself were a child in, as they were better, easier, more innocent, more fun-filled, healthier, insert-platitude-here… (Really, the ’80s were just halcyon days).

11. Owning bags that are not plastic bags.

12. Having a ‘skin-care regime’.

 

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