Things That Make You A Grown-Up

1. The ability to buy new household goods that match. Like, cutlery.

2. Buying expensive things that you intend to keep in the same place for a long time. Like furniture.

3. Mortgages.

4. A salaried job.

5. Having any of the following (and being able to refer to them as ‘my….’): a hair-stylist, a colourist, a masseuse, a plumber, a dentist.

6. Health insurance

7. The ability not to be interested in social media.

8. Babies.

9. Superannuation

10. Having someone else to cook a meal for.

11. The ability to know what to do when something breaks. And who will fix it for you.

12. The ability to fight bureaucracy.

13. The knowledge of when fighting bureaucracy is futile.

14. Attending friends’ 30th b’day parties. Only attending 18th b’day parties of people you are related to.

15. Buying useless things for your house that ‘look nice’ and not feeling stupid about calling it your house or feeling guilty about buying strictly decorative things that would be a nightmare to move, because you have no short-term plans to move.

16. Taking 2-week holidays instead of 3 month ones.

17. Staying in hotels or B&B’s or rented apartments instead of hostels.

18. Buying chocolate and not eating it all in one go

19. Making different meals every night (instead of cooking a large pot of lentils and snacking on it at intervals for the rest of the week)

20. Buying expensive clothes and/or shoes because they ‘will last’ or ‘are high-quality’.

21. Worrying about mattresses and pillows.

22. Doing stretches to warm-up before, and cool-down after, exercise.

23.Not knowing, or understanding, the latest pop, or fashion, sensation.

24. Not owning or buying things with cartoon characters on them.

25. Knowing that eating now will ruin your appetite for dinner. Therefore, not eating now.

26. Knowing that sacrifices must be made. Being ok with making those sacrifices.

27. Doing your own taxes (without crying). Or hiring someone else to do them

28. Choosing a bank. Choosing a bank not based on which of their cartoon characters are the most loveable.

29. Going on weekend trips to the country.

30. Buying your own subscription to things.

Just to be clear: I have, and am, none of these things.

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