All the Things I Need to Know I Learned from ’90s Teen Movies

So, I went to a 90’s teen movie marathon on Saturday night (which, incidentally, is not something I have really done since being a teen in the 90’s). And, I was reminded of many life lessons that I learnt through teen movies. Some of them are true, some are not so true, but I thought I would share them with you anyway:

1. It is possible to be ‘just whelmed’ in Europe. (Source: 10 Things I Hate About You)

2. It does not say ‘RSVP’ on the Statue of Liberty. (Source: Clueless)

3. If you eat a muffin by cutting it up with a knife and fork, it burns more calories. (Source: Clueless)

4. Hamlet didn’t say ‘To Thine Own Self Be True’ – that Polonius guy did. (Source: Clueless)

5. Velma from Scooby-Doo was a hip, hip lady and did not receive enough credit. (Source: Can’t Hardly Wait)

6. There is definitely a difference between like and love (and if you had a Prada backpack, you’d know that too). (Source: 10 Things I Hate About You)

7. There are plenty of women and trollies in the sea. (Source: Can’t Hardly Wait)

8. If you can’t feel your legs – you have no legs. (Source: Can’t Hardly Wait)

9. Email is for geeks and pedophiles. (Source: Cruel Intentions)

10. Kissing is NOT what happens at your prom and it isn’t what keeps doctors up to their elbows in placenta all day long. (Source: 10 Things I Hate About You)

11. You don’t buy black lingerie unless you want someone to see it. (Source: 10 Things I Hate About You)

12. Hemingway was an abusive, alcoholic misoygnist, who wasted half his life hanging around Picasso, trying to nail his leftovers. (Source: Ten Things I Hate About You)

13. Don’t ever let anyone ever make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want. (Source: Ten Things I Hate About You)

14. Just ’cause you’re beautiful doesn’t mean you can treat people like they don’t matter. (Source: Ten Things I Hate About You)

15. In this society, being male and an asshole makes you worthy of our time. (Source: Ten Things I Hate About You)

16. You should just forget CNN. It’s, like, way too serious. And boring. (Source: She’s All That)

17. Girls with glasses and/or baggy clothes and/or dyed red hair are in NO WAY ATTRACTIVE (Source: Clueless, Can’t Hardly Wait, She’s All That). However, if you are lucky, you too will find someone willing to be your stylist for their own cunning reasons and will remove glasses and/or baggy clothes and/or red hair dye and you too can become beautiful and/or the most popular girl in school (Source: Clueless, She’s All That).

18. At the start of a movie, don’t ever break up with someone because you’re going to college. This can only end with you begging your ex to take you back at around the 55 minute mark (Source: Can’t Hardly Wait, She’s All That, Bring it On)

19. Just because she’s a cheerleader doesn’t mean she can’t have a heart of gold (Source: Bring it On), be a badass (Source: Bring it On) or a vampire slayer (Source: Buffy the Vampire Slayer).

20. Offering your virginity to your celebrity crush might not be the best idea (Source: Empire Records), but if you don’t at least talk to them, you’ll probably regret it for the rest of your life and/or become an Angel Stripper being who gets thrown up on by middle-aged men (Source: Can’t Hardly Wait)

21. Shaving your head is very liberating, even if your friends and/or significant other may not recognise it at the time (Source: Empire Records, Clueless)

22. If you went to an American high school in the ’90s, chances are you went to school with any or all of the following: Kirsten Dunst, Donald Faison, Brecklin Meyer, Seth Green, Sean Patrick Thomas, Julia Stiles.

23. Parents are weird. Just… always. Weird. In many different ways. (Source: All teen movies. Ever.)

24. Straight girls dancing together are hot (Source: Can’t Hardly Wait). Straight girls making out together are even hotter (Source: Cruel Intentions… oh, ok, every movie ever. Not just teen movies).

25. Straight men being made to look gay, however, are just funny. (Source: Can’t Hardly Wait)

26. Teachers are weird. Just… always. Weird. In many different ways. (Source: All teen movies. Ever.)

27. If you want something badly enough (a career, a boy, a girl…) and you work hard and you are a good person, you will always get it in the end (Source: All teen movies ever)

27. If you want something badly enough (a career, a boy, a girl…) and you work hard but you are a BAD person, you will inevitably be foiled in your quest. Usually in a highly embarrassing and public way (Source: All teen movies ever)

Oh, the 90s…

I’m sure there’s more. That will do for now. It was an amazing night and I had a great deal of fun. I didn’t have so much fun at work the next day on 3 hours sleep, but, hey, sacrifices must be made when you are reliving your adolescence.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “All the Things I Need to Know I Learned from ’90s Teen Movies

  1. This is a fantastic post! She’s All That is easily one of my favotie 90’s teen flicks. Have you ever seen Empire Records? I’m actually a bit of a 90’s blogger myself, and I’d love it if you checked it out/followed me. Let me know what you think!
    http://www.astoldbylaura.wordpress.com
    P.S. You’re totally right about the black lingerie thing.

  2. Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it. Will definitely check out your blog too.

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