So, I’ve still got very little to report to you all. Life has taken a distinctly cozy, relaxed turn. Well, kind of. I mean, sometimes, I’m all for the cozy, relaxed-ness, and I sit on the couch and watch videos on youtube and feel relaxed and happy, and then other times I turn around and go, ‘Oh, God, I haven’t done anything all day! I’ve just been watching videos on You Tube! OH MY GOD MY LIFE IS SLIPPING THROUGH MY FINGERS, BEING THROWN AWAY, GOING DOWN THE DRAIN AND VARIOUS OTHER METAPHORS BECAUSE ALL I AM DOING IS WATCHING VIDEOS ON YOU TUBE.’
So, its taken on a… I don’t know. I don’t know what its taken on. A schizophrenic, multiple personality disorder edge, I suppose. I haven’t been unemployed for a good 10 years. I’ve always had some sort of job or study to be going on with. And the emptiness is more than a little terrifying. Its certainly good to be not doing things that you don’t enjoy or that are stressing you out, but then, I guess, with me, it gets to a point when most things in my life stress me out, especially the things I technically *like* to do, meaning that all that is left is watching videos on You Tube.
Mind you, I have watched a lot of good videos on You Tube. You know there are entire movies on there? Like, if they’re not big blockbusters, if they’re not with the big studios, so they’re not constantly being checked on or searched for, you can find little gems of entire movies on there. Constantly going through the oeuvre of David Thewlis, my new current obsession, and there are some sweet films on there. I recommend ‘Cheeky’ as an offbeat, black comedy rom-com. Highly enjoyable.
Anyway, I have done some bits and pieces. Applied for a few programs, done some writing. I’m trying to write a story every day using these ‘Story Cubes’ that I bought in Galway last summer. There’s nine cubes with little pictures on them, and you throw them and then have to write a story using all the images. Its quite fun. I’ve been trying not to pressure myself with the stories (ie, not to sit there going, ‘If its good, perhaps I could turn it into a novel, and then maybe I could send it to an agent, and then maybe s/he’d send it to a publisher, and then they’d publish it, and then maybe it would win the Pulitzer Prize and sell a million billion copies, and I could buy a castle in Scotland and never ever have to work for the rest of my life, and just watch You Tube videos, secure in the knowledge that I could win another Pulitzer if I really wanted to, but there wasn’t really much point.’ Which inevitably makes me feel a little low when said story turns out to be about a purple turtle).
I’ve also started back with Creative Connections, which is great, though as also been a little emotional. We had one session last Thursday to talk about the book we’re writing (we’re writing a book!), where I got a little fixated on an idea, and was making an argument out of nothing, and then I got upset when I realised I was making an argument out of nothing, and tried to move on, but by then everyone else was upset, and was trying to make me feel better which made me feel worse, and it ended up with me, at home, on the couch, watching the end of HP7 Part 2 and bawling my eyes out for a good hour and half until I was so tired, I could barely walk to the bed. All my own issues, of course, and linked back to the unemployment thing, but, anyway. Not the best start back to something that I really adore.
The weekend went a bit better. We’re working with an incredible artist, named Mark Storor, for the Cork Midsummer Festival this year, and we had a weekend workshop with him. It was exhausting, a lot of storytelling, a lot of crying (though, not from me this time), a lot of food and a lot of love. By yesterday evening, I was wrecked, but very happy and thought I would sleep as soundly as a baby (unfortunately, sleep was completely interrupted by dreams of David Thewlis… not quite sure what is going on there. Think he must remind me of someone. But, I’m not entirely sure who, at this point…).
Anyway, back to the YouTube videos, and, if you’re interested, you should look at this series of films on ‘The Fat Girl Gets a Hair Cut’, which is a show Mark did with teenagers at the Roundhouse in London.
It seems to have similar themes and aims to that Dutch show, ‘Once and for all we’re going to tell you who we are, so shut up and listen,’ except less… directed? Forced? I really enjoyed that show, but I remember someone commenting afterwards that it seemed like the title of the show should have been, ‘Once and for all we’re going to tell you who other people think we are…’ which was a fair criticism. Anyway, Mark’s show seems a little bit more inspired by what came out of the teenagers’ lives and stories, creating a very quirky and unique piece. There’s 9 videos about it up on Youtube, and I suggest you watch them all (come on, they’re only 2 minutes long, that’s do-able even if you have gainful employment!), but if you don’t have time, look at 1 and 8, as they are very beautiful and give you a sense of the sort of stuff we’re experimenting with. Mark creates beautiful things out of ordinary things, which is very exciting, and is very interested in performance. Some of the women, I think, are finding this a little intimidating, but I cannot wait. Typical Actor.