Jenny the Accidental Mum (no, that’s not what I mean…)

Phrases that have spewed unintentionally out of my mouth this week and made me sound scarily like a mum:

1) ‘I’m not your slave
2) ‘What do we say?’
3) ‘I’m going to count to 3’
4) ‘No chocolate ice-cream until you’ve finished your pasta.’
5) ‘Do not kick your sister. DO NOT DO IT.’
6) ‘You can’t run off like that, I get worried.’
7) ‘If you do not start behaving, you will find yourself in bed at 6 o’clock, do you understand?’
8) ‘What did I say about tantrums?’
9) ‘If you do not start behaving, I will turn this bicycle around and that will be the end of it, do you understand?’
10) ‘We have to share.’
11) ‘Right, if we can’t play nicely, the dolls are being put away.’
12) ‘Don’t terrorise your sister, there’s no need.’
13) ‘That’s an awful thing to do! Why would you do something like that? Why? And why are you smiling about it? Look at me. Why would you do something like that? Are you listening to me?’

And hundreds of other examples that I can’t think of right now. Where does this mum speak come from? It seems to happen completely unintentionally. It just comes out of my mouth and I’m suddenly like, ‘what? uh? who the hell am I?’

On a slightly related note, last night, when I was getting ready to go out, the eldest girl came in to my room and started talking to me. Eventually, as I was in the bathroom putting on make-up, she said, ‘Ok, Jenny, see you later!’ I said, ‘Bye!’ and then heaved a sigh of relief, thinking I had a little bit of quiet time to get ready. I went and made a sandwich, came back, started eating it, watching Jon Stewart and the Daily Show, then, about 15 minutes later, I suddenly notice the curtains moving. The eldest girl had been hiding on my window sill for about 15 minutes!!! Which more than a little freaked me out, considering I had no idea and could have started getting changed, or, I don’t know, started watching porn on the internet… not that I do that regularly, but, oh, you know, it was weird. So, I moved out to the kitchen to eat my sandwich, she followed, I then went and made myself a cup of tea, and snuck back into my room whilst she wasn’t looking. Two minutes later, she comes rushing into my room again, and I just snapped, ‘The evening is for me to have a little time for myself, ok? So, just, please, leave me alone for a little while, ok?’ This was after she sulked all day, ignored me, yelled at me, hid in her room etc. etc. and then, as soon as her mother is home and the younger girl is out of the way, then the eldest wants to be my best friend. I know she’s suffering huge amounts of jealousy over her little sister, but its very difficult to deal with. Anyone got any tips?

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1 Comment

Filed under Ireland

One response to “Jenny the Accidental Mum (no, that’s not what I mean…)

  1. J

    Jenny! I miss you! I can't believe your “Mum” speak is coming out, but apparently my folks are quite amused by the whole thing. Dad actually laughed out loud. You write so beautifully! I wish I was there to experience all of this with you, but I am so thankful for your blog. xx

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